Can I Get a Hooch Hooch?

Dear God,



Now, before you delete this letter let me tell you this is not Yet Another Plea Asking for Money and Endless Abundance of Wealth, nor this is a critique of how well you handle The Atrocity in Iraq, for I know that you work in Mysterious Ways as oh-so-obviously sang by U2.

This, O Lord, is a simple request from a simple and humble servant of yours.

O Lord, could you please, for once, and only once, provide me with songs/bands/singers that I might actually like? Now, before you go a-sighing about how ungrateful that I've been for the musics that you have provided me so far - don't get me wrong. I really appreciate what you've given. Led Zeppelin, James Brown, Metallica, New Kids on the Block, Deep Dish, Underworld, DJ Shadow, Peter Pan - each and every single one of them - I enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed reading your literature.

But Lord, I have been listening to The Same Crap over and over again, and my soul is deeply empty and lost. I can't stand yet another Maroon 5, or Jessica Simpson, or Britney Spears, or that whiney Keane and Franz Ferdinand and The Killers.

Now Lord, please don't Be Smart and suggest that I listened to Cantopop, or Japanese hip-hop. I've tried. I've listened to the likes of David Tao, Sammi Cheng, Dick and Cowboys, Jacky Cheung - you name it - and Holy Jesus Mother of Mary, I did not understand a word they're saying. And no, not country music. Or Ricky Martin, ever.

Also, please don't be funny (everyone knows of your quirky sense of humor) and suggest that I listen to podcasts. I would O Lord, but two years ago I wrote to you asking for an Ipod as a Christmas gift, and up until now, habuk pun tarak.

I know you know that I have blaspemed against you by saying that "everything owes it existence completely and solely to sound". Forgive me for being an unfaithful servant. Please don't get me wrong because when I meant sound, I meant you O Lord. Really.

So Lord, this is a small request from your humble servant. I hope you can provide me with songs or bands or even artists that I might actually like. I know you will fulfill my wishes because you are The Lord The Most Generous.

Lastly, I just would like to say that that second trick you did to the British - it ain't funny.

Your Humble Servant,

--spoonfork
p/s: Here a partial list, just to give you an idea.
pps/s: Send my Word Up to Notorious B.I.G, Tupac, and Curt Cobain, and David Bowie, mmmkay?
ppp/s: Oh wait, David Bowie ain't dead yet. Nevermind.